thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
