I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
