i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
