that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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