Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
