Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
