I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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