Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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