Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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