i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
