I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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