You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
