its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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