I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
tell me about the eggs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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