boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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