either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
