considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
