Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
