1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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