You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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