I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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