I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
