he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
