he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
