we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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