This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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