I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
