Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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