So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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