lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
