You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
