before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
