Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
