Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
