We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
