So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
