Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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