are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
