I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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