why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
