Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
