The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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