Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
