why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Randomize
