need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
