She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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