The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When are your genitals available?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
