I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
