oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
