I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
